Parent Conferences: Day 3

Yesterday was the final day of my parent conferences.  I started at 7:30 a.m. and ended at 4:30 p.m., with fours hours of teaching in between.

After doing almost four hundred conferences over the years, I can pretty much guess the reasons for a child's difficulties in school.  Parent conferences usually confirm my suspicions.


Here is an overview of yesterday's meetings.

1. Summer (the little girl I blogged about earlier) is a daddy's girl that he admits to indulging because he works long hours.  She needs to be the center of attention at home and is the only girl.  She thinks she should be the center of attention in classroom as well.  Dad makes no apologies about his daughter's neurotic need for attention.  We'll see if he feels the same way come middle and high school.
   
2. Taneisha is a wild child who is the daughter of two teachers.  They have excused her behavior with psycho-babble, which sometimes happens with educated people.  Taneisha has spent a lot of time on a high school campus with students attending continuation classes because she helps her mother at work.
   
3. Markus is good kid who struggles with writing and has no major familial issues, except that Dad went back to school and has less time to give his son.  Markus is resentful.
   
4. Kristina is in outside tutoring and receives tutoring at school.  She is beginning to blossom and increased her test scores by 20 points since the beginning of the school year.  Her confidence is growing daily.  This is the little girl whose previous teacher had given up on. She said that Kristina was just "low."
   
5. Aysia struggled in 2nd grade, but had never struggled before. Dad thinks it was the teacher's fault.  She had a tremendous leap in her independent reading level since the beginning of the year; the highest in the class. She might make Honor Roll by the end of the trimester.
   
6. Duncan is copying his macho brother who thinks he doesn't have to listen.  This was Mom's revelation, not mine.  He missed Honor Roll because he didn't answer several questions on the end-of-trimester test.  He wasn't listening when I reminded students to do so.
   
7. Richard is a Jehovah's Witness.  Mom gave me a list of activities that are off limits for the holidays.  Richard's mother is a single parent, but Richard seems to be very well-adjusted.  It has been my experience that children raised in the Jehovah's Witness faith are very grounded.
   

There were still four teachers conferencing when I left at 4:45.  The office staff all left at 2:00 with the principal's blessings.  Several teachers asked to come on campus over the break to work in their rooms.  I'll probably be one of them...

Parent Conferences: Day 2

Today's conferences just ended at 7:30 p.m.  I had a late phone conference with a parent who works late.  I know that a lot of teachers insist on conferences in-person, but I don't attach that qualifier to the definition of a caring and involved parent.

I remember when my daughter was in school and it was time for parent conferences.  I was a full-time student, and I worked a full-time job. It wasn't a job that provided paid time off.  If I took off from work, I didn't make any money.  Most of my daughter's teachers didn't offer any options outside of regular hours, so many times, I was unable to attend.

When I became a teacher, I vowed to make it as easy as possible for my parents to reach me.  They all have my cell phone number, and a couple of them have called me at home just to touch bases or to follow up on a previous concern.  The students know that their parents and I have an open pipeline of communication, and it makes a difference.  My parents support me, I support my parents, and together we support our kids.  My communication with my parents is on-going, so parent conferences are just a culmination of what we have previous discussed "on the fly."  Here are today's highlights.

1. Marissa's mom requested a change to a phone conference to accommodate her work schedule.  She is a single mother with an inflexible work schedule.  We spoke during her lunch break. Marissa is boy crazy, and we need to get her focused.  She doesn't have much contact with her father, and that's part of the reason she is so focused on the attention of other males.  Not a good sign.
   
2. Jamal's doesn't read directions, and the content of his writing needs improvement.  The rest of his grades are good. Mom thought I was talking about his penmanship when I mentioned the poor quality of his writing. I don't worry too much about penmanship; it's good content that I'm after.  I have had students refuse to write because they were afraid of criticism about their penmanship.  Once that pressure was removed, they wrote wonderful and amazing stories.
   
3. Jesus has a stay-at-home Mom who does everything for him. He has no chores and no responsibilities.  He is a victim of "learned helplessness." His mother's whole life revolves around taking care of her children, but she is crippling him.  I asked her if she was going to follow him around for the rest of his life and do everything for him.  By the time we were finished, she was in tears and promised to back off and let Jesus grow up.
   
4. William's parents were a "no show."  He made Honor Roll, so I guess they didn't feel the need for a conference.
   
5. Maria's mother revealed that her husband is emotionally abusive, and that is why her daughter is so quiet and shy.  Maria witnessed much of the abuse and and sometimes hides behind her mother.  Dad was kicked out of the house, but recently returned with promises of improved behavior. Both the translator and I are concerned for the family's safety.
6. Madison is a beautiful, blond little girl who was playing the "dumb blond" role until we had a little talk. It turns out that she has overheard a lot of "dumb blond" jokes at home, and was therefore full of self doubt.  Both she and her mother were completely unaware of the connection.  This was her first report card with no D's.
7. Justin is a scatter-brained daydreamer who is highly creative and has a penchant for the macabre . His parents are stressed out thinking that he will never amount to anything.  I told them that he may be the next Steven King.
   
8. Cyril's Mom is an enabler and doesn't support Dad's discipline. Dad is putting his foot down on Cyril's grades, but is setting the bar too high. He expects Cyril to go from F's to A's overnight, which isn't practical and will only cause Cyril to give up. Cyril has anger issues because he is a "momma's boy" and Mom went back to work a few months ago.  His emotions get in the way of his progress.
   
9. Neal's mother wanted an evening phone conference. I left a message and am awaiting a return call...She returned my call and was delighted to hear that Neal made Honor Roll for the first time.  He is a disciplined, well-behaved, teachable child with excellent parental support.  He always - and I mean always - does his homework, listens in class, and follows directions.  Honor Roll was inevitable.
   

Parent Conferences: Day 1

Actually, parent conferences are great fodder for blog posts. They are quite inspiring.  Unlike many teachers, I love parent conferences.  It's the one time when I get to sit down and really get to know my students. Parents share things about their children and how they behave at home - things I might not otherwise find out. I enjoy getting to know my kids as people, and I enjoy getting to know their parents.

I schedule long conferences, comparatively speaking.  I don't know how you can truly discuss - in depth - a child's progress in just 15 minutes.  There are so many factors that influence a child's success at school, and all of them need to be explored.  I have completed 7 out of 8 conferences scheduled for today.  Here is just a sampling of the topics that were discussed or the issues that were brought up.

1. Malcolm's father got the day wrong and didn't show up.  He had requested an appointment time that wasn't even available, so I'm not surprised.  Malcolm is a little out there too.  Oh well...
   
2. Jimmy's mother had been told to give him Ritalin ever since Kindergarten, because he was "squirmy" and "hyper."  He acts like a normal, energetic eight-year old boy as far as I'm concerned.  He has been weaned off of Ritalin and the depressive nature of his personality has disappeared.  He is bright, alert and doing well.  Mom is amazed that I'm not complaining about his behavior.
   
3. Jeanette had struggled in math since Kindergarten.  I discovered that her second grade teacher never did calendar activities, which are intended to teach the base ten model of our numbering system.  After I filled in this critical missing link, her math scores are now consistently above 80%.  Mom and Dad are thrilled.
   
4. Melissa's aunt and uncle were killed in a car accident just a few days ago.  I'm surprised she was still in school, but her family has an incredible work ethic.  She'll be out for the funerals for just one day. Dad was very emotional at the conference, but little Melissa seemed to be doing okay.
   
5. Lindsay doesn't pay attention in class and is boy crazy.  She's always in the mix when it comes to classroom drama.  Last week, she was caught drawing pictures of people's rear ends during a math lesson.  Mom said that she got a serious paddling for that one. I smiled. I'm from the "spare the rod" generation.
   
6. Mark was a victim of the system and was returned to first grade.  He was an excellent student in Kindergarten, but had an incompetent teacher in first grade. His teacher was in terrible pain from a neck injury, and he hated his job.  He was often out sick and his substitute teachers weren't consistent. Most of the students in his class came out with minimal skills.  Mark's second-grade teacher sent him back to first grade for another year. Mark is one of my best students.
   
7. Christina's father is concerned that she may be being molested by her mother's live-in boyfriend.  Now, I have to keep a close eye on her, because teachers are mandated reporters of child abuse. She is quiet, withdrawn, and seems sad all of the time, so it is a concern.
   
8. I had a phone conference at 6:00 p.m. with Lenny's parents. He's a great kid who made Honor Roll.  It was the easiest one of the day...
   

A Lesson from "Balloon Boy"

It's been awhile.  I have been buried in paperwork related to report cards. This week, I'll be buried in parent conferences, so blogging may be sketchy still.  By the time I spend a half an hour discussing their children with thirty or more parents, all I want to do is come home and collapse.

I did want to blog a little tonight on the topic of honesty.  I was watching the news yesterday, and I saw the story on the parents of the so-called "Balloon Boy" who plead guilty to a misdemeanor and felony for lying about the incident. I'm surprised they weren't charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor, because they instructed their very young and impressionable son to lie about what happened.  After being repeatedly questioned by the police and talk show hosts, the child finally caved and told the truth.  The poor little thing is probably traumatized for life.

It seems that lying is trivialized more and more these days. Some parents don't see anything wrong with telling a "white lie" in front of their children when it is convenient to do so.  They may even include their child in the deception, as in the case of Balloon Boy.

Perhaps popular culture sees nothing wrong with lying.  However, I am happy to report that the legal system still sees things in black and white.  Lying can get you thrown in prison; just ask Marion Jones, a variety of political figures, and the Balloon Boy's parents.  Why would you want to send your child down that path?

To make my point, I once had a student who was low on classroom cash, because she had wasted her money all year long.  It was time for our end-of-year party and auction, during which students would bid on items I had purchased.  Well, rather than being told that having little or no money to bid was the price she would have to pay for wasting her money all year long, her uncle had her bring home one of my bills (it was play money, of course) and had her make copies of it.  That's right, she made counterfeit bills!  Fortunately, I was able to tell right away because her bills were much darker than mine.  I had to confiscate the counterfeit bills, and I also had her suspended.

I know, you're probably saying, "But it wasn't her fault.  She was mislead by a wayward relative."  However, the public education system attempts to teach children about integrity and honesty.  We hold assemblies on the topic and use programs that teach character education.  Although this child was unduly influenced by an adult, I wanted to punish her for being a follower, because society will punish her for being a follower.

Every year, I have students who attempt to get out of a situation with a lie. Some forge a parent's signature on a failing test. Others steal something or hit someone and try to lie their way out of it.  I once had a student steal half the candy out of my candy jar and give it to three accomplices; two from my class and one from another.  When his parent was notified of the incident, all he received was a lecture.  He didn't write a letter of apology.  He didn't have to replace the candy.  I don't even think he got grounded.  This child had been in trouble since Kindergarten, and his parent still made light of his behavior.  Where do you think he will end up in a few more years?

As for Balloon Boy, I hope his parents are thoroughly embarrassed and ashamed for what they did.  I hope this poor little boy can escape the nickname "Balloon Boy" some day, and I hope he doesn't need therapy for the rest of his life.